Gettin' by

"and it occurred to me that everybody suffered continually, including those who pretended they didn't."  -Charles Bukowski in South of No North

A friend's mother went to Hospice today.  Another friend's mother-in-law died this morning.  The Mayor of Toledo died.  Friend's go through relationship issues.  Life is a series of continual struggles for everyone and life keeps on going.

There are some days when I look about me and all I see is the sadness in life.  I used to think that there were  people that were immune to life's problems.  Then I learned that everyone has them.  We all suffer with something.

Part of being an artist, is seeing the world with a different eye and capturing that view with your art.  A painter paints from his perspective.   A writer writes what he sees.  Although today was a relatively positive one for me, I couldn't help but notice the sadness all around.  It seems as if everyone is just getting by somehow.  I often wonder how anyone lives happily, with tragedy all around us. 

I suppose that I manage by focusing on the good things.  I have a safe haven, locked inside the doors of my living space.  Inside that space is a safe environment.  I can lock all of the sad and depressing things outside and relax with my wife and our cats.  It is my favorite place to be.  When I'm outside of that space, I am surrounded by imperfect humans and all of their sadness. 

It's Friday and traditionally my wife and I go out to dinner on Friday nights.  We aren't wealthy, but we're lucky to have jobs that provide us enough income to eat at any restaurant we choose.  Tonight we sat in a barbecue restaurant and I watched other couples sitting at their tables, eating food and ignoring each other.  I watched families methodically going through the motions of life.  It can be depressing when you notice what goes on with the people around you. 

My wife and I sat at our booth and enjoyed our dinner.  We talked about our jobs, our family, our friends.  We talked of plans of an upcoming trip to Chicago.  My friendship with her is one of the most valued items in my life.  I enjoy the fact that we are friends and lovers.  In a lot of ways that friendship, for me, is one of the ways that I keep that sadness out. 

We all have struggles.  I see them in your lives my friends.  I can't make the sadness go away.  I can only reassure you that I too have experienced deep sadness.  My experiences have taught me that it will lessen with time and new sad things will take their place.  Be happy when you can.  Find ways to lock out the sadness for a while.  A man doesn't do well to let the sadness in all of the time.  There has to be a safe haven in our lives.  Without that safe haven, I couldn't bear to live in the sad, sad world. 

Being delusional often helps too.  Seriously, the ability to pretend like struggles aren't there goes a long way towards making life livable. 

I'll leave you with a short, Dan Denton original poem.

"How do you stay
so calm?" she asked.
"Being delusional helps."
I replied.
and it does
because if I had
to live in reality
every moment
of every day
I would either
go totally insane
or I would send
my soul
back to the gods.