Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity

"All rise," a behemoth bailiff orders.

Everyone in the courtroom stands at once. The Judge enters the room through a door behind the bench. He quickly surveys his crowded courtroom. Pleased, he orders everyone to be seated.

When everyone is seated and the commotion of the room is settled, he begins the formalities of the hearing. He greets both the prosecutor and the defendant and the defendant's legal counsel. He goes through a few rules for the attorneys. He turns and greets the jury. He goes over a few rules with them. Satisfied that everything is in order he grants permission for the prosecutor to present the charges.

The prosecutor stands to face the Judge and the jury. He is a tall, well built man. He wears an understated gray suit with an appropriate burgundy tie. He likely purchased the suit and tie as a set in any local men's clothing chain store.

"Your honor and members of the jury," he begins, "this man is here facing charges of general subversiveness, of bucking the system, of not following the mainstream and most dangerously of all, this man is charged with calling himself a writer."

There is an audible gasp. The crowd begins to murmur amongst themselves. The Judge brings his gavel down on the bench.

"Order. Order. Order." he shouts.

When order is finally restored the prosecutor continues.

"During this trial, we will present evidence and testimony that this man has publicly stated that cable television is a detriment to humanity. He has visited art museums in various states around our fair country. He has been a regular at poetry readings and libraries. He has caused disturbances amongst his coworkers, calling them robots because they have chosen to follow widely held beliefs. He has questioned their religious beliefs, encouraged them to stop watching reality TV shows, been critical of their tastes in pop music, and has argued that they are brainwashed by their government."

The prosecutor stops to take a sip from his bottle of water, allowing the jury to process his words.

He starts again.

"Furthermore, this man has encouraged others to explore art. He has recommended obscure music to them and has been known to share books, books that he's purchased with his own meager salary, with his acquaintances. Even when these people aren't normally readers, still he has zealously urged them to pick up these books. He has been known to write words of prose that he calls poetry. Many of these 'poems' are derogatory in nature towards our government, towards our very way of life as Americans. This man has began calling himself a writer, claiming that he is working on a manuscript for a novel. We have proof that he has watched countless documentaries, read thousands upon thousands of books. He has publicly admitted to idolizing such deviants as Hunter S. Thompson, Charles Bukowski, Ernest Hemingway, Howard Zinn, Timothy Leary and countless others."

Another pause, another sip from the water bottle.

"Ladies and gentleman of the jury, we have in our presence, over 50 people who are willing to testify that his man has loaned them books from his own library. They will testify that this defendant has publicly identified as a socialist. They will testify that he has encouraged them all to think for themselves. This man is a menace to the public. He is a disturber of the peace. He is a monster, and he will stop at nothing to undermine the easygoing lives that all Americans deserve."

The prosecutor sits down and signals to the Judge that he has finished his opening statements. The Judge invites the attorney for the defendant to speak. The attorney turns and whispers to the accused man. They whisper back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the attorney shrugs and turns back to face the Judge.

"If it pleases the court your honor, my client would like to make a statement to our courtroom."

The Judge looks puzzled.

"This is certainly out of the ordinary, but very well. The defendant may speak."

Slowly the defendant stands. He walks around the table that he shares with his attorney. He comes to a stop just a few feet from the Judge's bench. He turns slightly, facing the Judge, the jury and most of the audience. He clears his throat and begins,

"Your honor and my fellow citizens. Everything that the prosecutor says is true. I am not ashamed to admit to these allegations. You see, once upon a time, our country held artists and writers in high esteem. People like Ernest Hemingway and Hunter Thompson were celebrities. Andy Warhol, Janis Joplin and even Edward Hopper and Jackson Pollock were well known. Years ago, many people in my generation grew up reading assigned books in school. Now, children just watch the movies in their classrooms."

"Years ago, my parents raised me to think for myself. They have often disagreed with my beliefs. They were particularly saddened when I confessed that I was an atheist. But they were proud that I came to that conclusion on my own terms."

"I have read thousands of books, visited dozens of art museums, attended hundreds of concerts, been a regular at poetry readings, all because these things bring me great joy in life. Does not our Declaration of Independence state that the pursuit of happiness is an unalienable right?"

"And yes, I have written poetry and have started and stopped several manuscripts. I have encouraged others around me to read, because I want them to experience the same joy that books bring my life. I have encouraged those that I come in contact with to learn to think for themselves. We are human beings. Human beings are not designed to live in subject to other human beings. Learning to think for one's self is the purest form of freedom. All men deserve to be free."

"So I have decided to change my plea your honor. I plead not guilty, by reason of insanity. No sane person would dare believe that you can encourage free thought in today's society and not be judged for doing so. No sane person would encourage others to read books, when most houses have more televisions than bookshelves. No sane human being would find beauty in art, in music. Certainly not in a society that values forced drama on their reality shows. Yes, I must be insane, thus I am not guilty."

The defendant sits down. The crowd murmurs briefly. The Judge looks confused. Finally he comes to action.

"The defendant can not be trusted to keep the peace in our society. He must be detained until he can learn to comply with our ways. He will learn to love our television programs. He will give up his books. He will stop this visiting of art museums. He will desist calling himself a writer. Until such point that he is able to do so, he will continue to be judged as odd, strange, weird, by his peers. They will continue to refer to him as a commie atheist. The defendant will feel ill at ease around his peers, because he has chosen a free thinking lifestyle that most do not understand."



Let it be so. Your favorite angry writer stands in opposition to your mainstream thinking. He believes he is not guilty, by reason of insanity.

Now go read a fucking book.