Throwin' Rocks

I started to write this column two days ago. I worked on it more last night. Then, like I often do, I scrapped the whole thing. This time, I didn't start over because I didn't like the writing. I started the column over because I lost steam and the way I felt changed.

You see, I wanted to write a blistering column.  I intended to write one that was offensive, that challenged the way we think. I was excited.  Angry rants are my favorite things to write. Those diatribes, fueled by pent up angst, when I can pop the cork off and let it all hang out. 

I've avoided arguing on social media for a long while now. I learned that debates on Facebook never change any one's beliefs. They only serve to leave me frustrated.  This column was going to serve as the release valve. 

I'm upset by the response to the protests in Baltimore.  Just like I was upset about the response to the ones in Ferguson. And the ones in New York City. I'm upset about the racism and the public shaming of those in poverty. 

So I started writing a column about cops that murder people in the line of duty. I wrote with gusto, enjoying the angry words as they spilled out onto my laptop.  As I wrote, the anger slipped into sadness, and I didn't want to rant anymore. 

Today, I'm just sad about the whole god damned state of our country. I'm sad that racism still exists, whether it's inadvertent or intentional. I'm sad that I live in a country where cops kill more people than all of the other top 10 developed countries combined. I'm disgusted that our cops kill more Americans than terrorists do. More people are killed in America by cops, than troops in Afghanistan and Iraq combined. 

I feel a sense of hopelessness, that more Americans are angry about a few people burning down a pharmacy and throwing rocks at cops, than are angry about a cop shooting a man in the back as he ran away, or cops killing a man for having a switchblade knife. After 50 years of peaceful protests, racism still exists and that makes me sad. 

Yes, I'm still angry. I'm always angry. But today I'm sad that so few other people are angry too. 

The NSA tracks all of our text messages and keystrokes on the Internet, but no one keeps track of how many people are killed by cops.  This has to change and it has to change now. 

Am I advocating violence?  No, absolutely not.  I don't believe it's ever ok to throw rocks at people, or any other living thing.  But I understand, that peaceful protests and marches haven't worked.  Something has to be done to get our attention.

Over 1,000 people killed last year.  The exact number?  No one knows.  Why are Americans ignoring this?  Is it because over half of the people killed by cops are mentally ill?  A large number of those killed are black men?  In this country, we just sit in our recliners every night and pretend like this isn't an issue?

I'm sad, so very, very sad.  I'm sad because it's going to happen again.  There are going to be more riots, because there are going to be more people murdered by cops.  And it's your fault, and my fault, because we ignored it for too long.