Don't Let Your Children Grow Up to be Free Thinkers.

Particularly on Easter Sunday, this may be the most important column that parents ever read.  It is the most pertinent advice that I can ever give other parents.

Start while your children are young.  Indoctrinate them with all of your beliefs.  If you practice a faith, indoctrinate your children in it as well.  Raise them to never question anything.  Teach your kids to always listen to their teachers.  Teach them to take the news that is reported, just as it is.  Teach them to trust their government.  Take whatever measures are necessary to make certain that your children are safe, secure in the little box of ideas that you pass on to them.

There is great danger in raising children to think for themselves.  This must be avoided at all costs.  If you allow your children to question things, they will grow up always questioning everything.  Free thinkers rarely find contentment in life.  They will explore "alternative" forms of spirituality.  They may adopt Buddhist philosophy.  They may become agnostic or identify as atheists.  If you do not teach them a firm foundation in a god of your understanding, they will eventually find the holes in religious ideology.  You can not allow this to happen.

Free thinkers will spend their lives and their fortunes, exploring the world over, looking for answers to life.  They will see the world as it truly is, a volatile place, full of diversity and unknowns.  They will realize that there is never any real security in life.  They will develop a sense of constant unease.  They may never feel as if they belong in groups of other people.  They will not be content to watch cable television shows, to work in 9-5 jobs, to mindlessly follow the steady diet of propaganda that mainstream media feeds.

If you allow your children to think for themselves, they will consort with undesirable people.  They may spend their free time with hippies, drug users, musicians, artists, writers, vagrants and hobos.  These are just a few of the undesirable people your free thinking child will be attracted to.  This can not be allowed.  You must teach your children to be ordinary, to fit in with the crowd.  Teach them to never make a scene, to not ruffle the collective feathers of life.  Teach them to be content with only what life gives, to never expect or desire anything more.  Teach them to know their role in life.

Free thinking people are responsible for all of the crazy things in life.  They, as a group, have brought us rock and roll music, marijuana acceptance, tie dyed clothing, body piercing, tattoos in the mainstream.  Groups of free thinkers have the audacity to believe that peace is an actual answer to many of the world's problems.  Everyone knows, that war solves most everything.  Teach your children this, so they will never question the many wars that our government starts.

Free thinkers believe that we are all one people, that diversity makes us stronger.  You must never allow your children to believe this way.  There is grave danger in accepting others as they are.  If someone is different than you or your children, they must be wrong.  Only your religion, is the true religion.  Only your political beliefs, are the right ones.  If your child doesn't know these things, doesn't embrace these things, they will start to believe that we can all get along, as humans.  If they believe this, you have failed as a parent.

I myself, was indoctrinated by a religious family unit.  My parents did all that they could, to bring me up in the right way.  But I am stubborn.  I did not listen, despite them not "sparing the rod," despite the groundings, the grave warnings.  I have paid the price, because I refused to adopt their beliefs without question.

I have spent my life reading books, listening to all forms of music.  I have explored museums in many places, studying the work of the world's greatest artists.  I have found myself fascinated with these social misfits, these painters, these sculptors.  I have attended live music concerts, many featuring musicians that have been publicly accused of being Satan worshipers.  I have danced to their music, finding freedom in their anti-war, anti-religion, anti-exclusive messages.  I have read the books written by Vonnegut, by Robbins, by all manner of illicit authors.  I have even explored the pornographic world.  I have allowed myself to explore sexual ideologies that fit into no religion.  I have discovered sexual positions other than missionary style.  I have tasted of the pleasures of oral stimulation, and I enjoyed them.

I have experienced the richness of diversity in life.  I have befriended activists, anarchists, atheists.  Criminals, the lot of them, disturbing the general peace, protesting the unfairness of our world.  I have stood next to them on street corners, disturbing suburbanites with our cries for peace.  I have sat with them in dark basements, smoking the marijuana with them, imbibing in all that is unseemly in our world.  Yes, it is too late for me.  I am beyond saving.  I have seen too much, to ever believe that life fits into a small, rigid box of beliefs.

But it may not be to late for your children.  Start now.  Be persistent.  They must not experience anything that strays from the beliefs that you are trying to pass on.  You can save them from a life of searching, a life of unease.  The only true way to feel secure in this world, is to let others dictate what you should think, how you should feel.  Isn't security what we all want for our children?