Love is Overrated

It's Valentine's Day, a day that we celebrate love.  Valentine's Day is a christian holiday, celebrated by many Christian denominations in honor of a few martyred saints.  Is it ironic that we celebrate love in honor of people who were murdered?  Love/murder?  Basically the same thing, except one results in a quicker ending. 

Love, the favorite topic of poets since poets were chiseling verse on stone tablets.  Every poet that has ever lived has taken a crack at writing a love poem.  Love is the reason that poetry exists and it is overrated.  Yes.  I know it's hypocritical for a poet to say this, but it's true.  Human beings spend too much time obsessing about love. 

Take a look at the memes and inspirational quotes that appear in your Facebook news feed.  I'd bet there is a high percentage of those memes and quotes dedicated to love.  Not just today, but most Saturdays.  We read books on love, books on loving ourselves.  We watch Dr. Phil, listen to radio talk shows about love.  Love stories are the most frequently read books, amongst the highest grossing movies.  We are obsessed with soul mates and true love.  I'd argue that neither of those exist. 

Dan! You were recently married!  How can you be so cynical?  Cynicism is a direct result of living life, but cynicism isn't what drives my opinions on love. 

In Osho's book Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously, he says that we are like people who study a map of a mountain.  We read books about the mountain.  We research all available information about the mountain and we move about claiming to be experts on the mountain.  Until we actually climb the mountain, walk it's paths, drink from its streams, we can never really know the mountain.  Osho says the same is true of love.  We can read about love, talk about love, research love, but until we experience love, we can never really know it. 

This is my problem with love; it means something different to almost everyone.  It's why I write poems about it, knowing that there are already 10 million love poems.  Love is likely different to me than your experience, because I view love based on a thousand different variables in my life, that are unique to only me.  All of those variables make up my reality, my perception, and through that perception I see the love that I know.  Love is unique for all people. 

So why would I say that love is overrated? As humans, we spend too much time looking for love, looking for a soul mate and not enough time just living.  I learned a few years ago, that because I'm crazy, dysfunctional and weird, that I might never find someone as strange as I am. I began to look for love in other avenues. No, I'm not speaking of hookers. I am lucky enough to have a few friends who love me unconditionally, inspite of me being a goofy, crazy, angry curmudgeon. I had to learn to let that love be enough. 

Yes, since that time, my love life has changed. I have a friend, someone that I adored because of her quirky nature, her intelligence.  As luck would have it, she also happens to be absolutely gorgeous. My friend and I dated and I quickly fell in love with her. She is the only human being that I've ever wanted to be with, everyday, consistently.  That friend is now my wife and I am aware of how lucky I truly am. 

Happy Valentines Day. Celebrate the love you have, in honor of people who were murdered thousands of years ago. If no one has told you today that you are loved, find new people to be around. I probably don't love you either, but I'll be nice when you're around. 

*writer's note:  I'm not too fond of this topic and part of this column was written on my smart phone, which is a first for me.