What Would Jesus Do?

Everyone that knows me at all, knows that I'm a crazy socialist Atheist. What a lot of people don't know, is that religion fascinates me. You might not guess that I've read, and studied the Bible quite thoroughly. I used to joke that I was looking for a loophole, but really, I just wanted to know what makes Christians tick.

Mississippi, and North Carolina recently passed laws that make it legal to discriminate against gay and transgendered people. Georgia's governor vetoed a similar law, and Indiana narrowly averted passing a "religious freedom" bill. Michigan and Arizona have had similar bills brought up on their legislative floors too.

All of these states are making it legal to discriminate against the gays, if being gay goes against your "strongly held religious beliefs."

So Christians claim to follow the teachings of this dude named Jesus Christ. The word Christian literally means, "one who believes in the teachings of Christ." And this is where I start to wonder, "what would Jesus do?"

I remember back in the mid-90s there was that whole WWJD craze. People wore the bracelets. Religious rock bands professed to be Jesus freaks. Being a Christian was the cool thing to do. And that's cool. Really. I could give two shits about your "strongly held religious beliefs." That is, until those beliefs begin to affect others. When those beliefs are intolerant, discriminatory, and homophobic, I start to care a little, you know? Especially when Jesus' people start to think it's a good idea to make laws that reflect religious values. I get really cranky about that shit.

What the fuck would Jesus do? What would he do if a gay couple walked into his café? You think he would refuse to serve them a cup of coffee? What if a transgendered woman walked into the women's restroom in his department store? You think he would have her thrown out?

In all of the Bible, not one scripture tells of Jesus speaking about homosexuality. (Although he did mention those "born eunuchs," which many scholars think means "those born gay.") Homosexuality was around in his time. In fact, it's easier to prove that there were homosexuals 2000 years ago, than it is to prove that Jesus existed. You would think, that if being gay was such an immoral issue, that the most profound teacher of your religion, the one man that all of your teachings are based on, would have directly addressed it. But he didn't.

You know what Jesus did address? Overly pious, and loud-mouthed religious people. You know what else he addressed? People turning temples into money making places. He chased those fuckers out with a whip. (You listening Joel Osteen?) Jesus hung around with thieves, whores, lepers, and those that were poor and helpless.

So what part of Jesus' teachings, are you using to discriminate against anyone? I'll go one step further, if you support these laws, you're not a Christian. You're a homophobic asshole.

And while we're on the topic, I'll tell you what we need to do to stave off the attacks by the spineless-right wing- extremists. People that call themselves Christians, and know that these laws are bullshit, we need you to stand up and speak out.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing." Edmund Burke (although there is a bit of indecision about who originally said this.)

Someday, when I win the fucking lottery, I'm going to open a coffee house near the courthouse in Jackson, MS. I'm going to paint the fucker in rainbow colors, hire two of the most flamboyant drag queens I can find to be the hostesses, and hire Village People impersonators to perform the YMCA on the front sidewalk every 30 minutes, because fuck you and your discriminatory, hating bullshit Mississipians. Go suck a dick.