The Car Crash Blues

Let me tell you a story, just a little story, a scary little story, a nightmare of a story. I call it the car crash blues.

Let's say there's this guy named Dan. Dan has a good union job, but he's made his share of poor decisions. Or as Dan's friend Matt says, "well thought out bad decisions." Dan pays a lot of child support. I mean A LOT of child support. On top of that, he's made some bad choices in the financial arena, some of them dating to several years ago. Some of those decisions were made out of desperation. But no matter now. Dan has a good union job, and he almost never takes a day off, and he almost always works all of the available overtime. Nevertheless, Dan takes a second job, a part time job, in attempts to accelerate the repair of his financial state.

A little over three years ago, Dan buys a used car. But because Dan's credit is bad, like horribly bad, like Rent a Center needs 5 verifiable references bad, Dan's car loan comes with a hefty interest rate, and a GPS locater that disables the ignition if Dan doesn't make his car payment. But Dan has this good union job, and he works a lot of overtime, and he's never, not even once, late on his car payment.

Then one day, let's say last Wednesday, Dan gets in an accident. A guy backs out of his driveway without looking, and Dan swerves, but can't avoid hitting him, and he smacks the rear bumper of the guy's car. The air bag in Dan's car doesn't even deploy, but the right front fender is banged up pretty good, and there's some fluids leaking. The guy that backed out of the driveway without looking gets a traffic citation, and he makes an insurance report with his car insurance company, and that company approves the insurance claim, and Dan gets a rental car.

So, the guy's insurance company, let's call them Progressive, just a little ole insurance company with an annual revenue stream of 17 billion fucking dollars, has Dan's car towed to their local inspection center, and they call Dan and inform him that his car is a total loss.

So Dan calls the lender that he has a loan with, and let's just for the sake of the story say that Dan still owes $5000 on said loan. No biggie, right? I mean an insurance company with an annual revenue stream of 17 billion fucking dollars will take care of Dan, right? I mean, this all happened due to no fault of Dan's. Dan was just driving down the fucking road one day, when bam! There was a car in front of him.

So Progressive offers Dan $4000 for his car. Dan does his homework, and learns that this offer is negotiable, and Dan is a fierce negotiator when necessary. So five phone calls later, three emails, and a reasonable amount of swearing that the progressive insurance adjuster says he doesn't appreciate, Dan and Progressive settle for having his loan paid off. Win for the little guy right?

Dan gets pre-approved for a loan by Chrysler Capital, a subsidiary of the auto manufacturer that employs Dan. Dan's credit is a lot better than it was 3 years ago, but its still pretty dinged up, and considered poor. Still yet, Dan takes his pre-approval to a local Chrysler dealership, and he's looking to buy a two year old Chrysler that will keep the car payment within Dan's budget. Dan really wants a brand new Cherokee, because that's what he builds, and he likes them a lot, but a car payment on a brand new Cherokee is out of Dan's budget, and Dan is learning, after many, many mistakes, to be more responsible.

So Dan gets a new 5 year loan. Everybody is happy right?

Progressive settles for 5k, and raises the rates of the guy that was cited for not looking both ways when he backed from his driveway. They'll probably have 18 billion fucking dollars in revenue this  year.

Dan's old lender gets their loan paid off 15 months early. They're happy.

Dan's new lender, a subsidiary of his employer, gets a new loan with a moderate interest rate.

A local Chrysler dealer sells a used car.

Chrysler benefits because used car sales help current new car sales.

Dan's insurance company benefits because Dan decides to add on a special insurance called "gap insurance," just in case something happens and Dan's car isn't worth as much as he owes.

You know who doesn't come out ahead in this story? The guy who's working two jobs in an effort to get ahead. He spent $12,000 over the last 3 years, for a car that he'll never own now, and he now has a new loan worth an initial $14,000, but probably closer to $20,000 if he somehow manages to pay it off before the car gets crashed, or falls apart. In 5 years, he'll probably need a newer car again, and the cycle repeats itself.

Banks. Insurance companies. Car dealers. The city that issued a traffic citation. An auto manufacturer. They all conspire to suck a little more life out of the working man. And they get to keep doing it because they own our fucking politicians, and the American people are too dense to realize they're being sucked dry by 17 billion fucking dollar insurance companies.

Dan thanks you for doing your part, by sticking your head in the sand, and hoping it doesn't happen to you.

The Car Crash Blues, motherfucker, The Car Crash Blues.