A Father and His Son

I've put off writing this column long enough. I put it off because it's a difficult topic, or maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just difficult for me. 

A week and a half ago, or two weeks, or who can really tell how long ago, since our news media cycles faster than I can change my underwear daily, but a while ago, there was a news story about a young white male from a Catholic School in Kentucky facing off with a Native American drummer in Washington D.C. I will confess that upon seeing the video for the first time, I was angry about what I saw. But, there's never a shortage of things to be angry about in today's world, so it cycled through like everything else. Then, the next day, and the day after that, other videos surfaced, and the whole story became a little more cohesive. I think there are valuable lessons in this debacle. 

Let me start here: my son is 14 years old, and he currently espouses ideas that I don't. Yes, my son is an avid Trump supporter, and a fan of Republicans. That is a matter of some consternation for me, and likely to him, too. A lot of that can be attributed to the fact that I made humans with his Mother, a woman that also has beliefs that vary vastly from mine. 

So, when the story first hit social media about the white kid, and the Native American, I reached out to my son, and we discussed it. We talked about being respectful to those we don't agree with, and how to resolve conflicts in heated moments. My son and I do this frequently. We talk about things going on in our world, and our ideas about those events, and though we rarely agree politically, we do this in a mostly respectful manner. 

Do I wish that my son believed differently? The answer to that is complicated. There are parts of me that wishes he did, and there are parts of me that wants him to grow to be a man that has his own belief system, whichever way that slants. One thing is beyond certain: I love my son with all that I am. I love to hug him, and spend time with him, and talk about girls, history, sports, and his ever growing coin collection. I love him in ways that I never thought possible before he and his twin sister were born. 

That's the part of the news story from Washington D.C. that hit me the hardest. What if that was my son? How would I feel if I clicked open the Facebook App on my phone, and I read thousands of comments from liberals wanting to punch my son? Well, that's easy enough to answer actually. If you want to harm my son, you're going to have to harm me, too, because I love him, and I don't want him to get hurt. Protecting him is part of my job as his father. 

But, I think the lessons to be learned go deeper even than that. It involves admitting some things I don't like to admit. It involves acknowledging some hypocrisies, and nobody ever likes doing that. 

First, there are some people in control of the "news" that want to manipulate what we think and believe. It's true. There is no getting around this fact. A lot of our "news" is controlled by people that want, and need to make money from their work. That fact alone should make all of us skeptical about what they're reporting. I've often lamented the fact that 24 hour news channels have ruined how our news is reported. There's probably some truth in that, too. 

Second, and I've written about this before, we're allowing ourselves to become the things that we say we hate. Listen! My blog is titled "Notes of an Angry Man" for good reasons. I have literally been involved in at least 100 physical altercations in my life. I've dabbled in boxing, and a little Mixed Martial Arts. My nose has been broken, twice. When I was a younger man, I got punched in the face often. I don't regret any of it. It is part of who I am as a human, and I have slowly evolved and learned from those events. That might be why I strive to be a kind man today. Maybe I got all my fighting out of the way early in life, or maybe I choose to fight in different ways. But this is a fact: punching someone in the face is not the best way to deal with conflict. In fact, it is a crime. It's against the law to do it. Yet, hundreds of thousands of people were suggesting that we do just that: punch a 16 year old kid in the face. There's some irony in the fact that many of those people think of themselves as hippies. 

Now look, I don't have all the answers to life. I never will. I'm like most men, bumbling through life, and trying to evolve into the best version of me that I can be. I've got a theory about punching people. That theory goes a little something like this: one of the reasons that kids are the way they are today, is because they don't get punched anymore. One of the things I learned as a young man growing up in the projects in Central Illinois, is that there's some things I can't say, or I'll get punched in the face. I learned not to insult some one's mother, or call another guy a "bitch" unless I was ready to fight. I live by those rules still today. I find myself backing away from conflict more, the older I get. Not because I'm afraid to fight, but because I've learned that there really isn't a winner in a fight. Even when I thought I won a fight, I still got hurt, or arrested. 

I digress. The point I'm trying to make is that we often jump to conclusions before the whole story is told. We are on edge everyday, and we treat those that disagree with us, as if they were our enemies. History tells us that is dangerous, but we ignore history. Maybe we need to study the Hollywood Blacklist more, and how so many people's lives were ruined just for their beliefs. Or revisit the "red scare" and McCarthyism. Or remember how Japanese Americans were put into camps during WWII. Or the holocaust. Or the fighting in the Middle East. 

Really, I think we need to remember that human beings are more important than ideas. I know that I need to be reminded of that, and often. Just because someone doesn't agree with me politically, doesn't mean that they are my enemy. Do I really need to point out that I'm not talking about Nazi's or KKK members here? I hope not. You should know that I'm not saying that. Even still, I don't think punching Nazi's is an appropriate way to show our disagreements. 

One of the most beautiful things about America is the diversity of the people that make up our country. Yes, people make America what it is; not laws, not political beliefs. Just as I crave the freedom to be who I am, I must allow others the same freedom. And if you can't get behind that idea, then I don't know if there's any hope left. 

Go find a way to be kind today, and don't get caught doing it. I'm going to go text my son that I love  him, so that he knows he has the freedom to be him.