Calling All Right-to-Lifers

On Monday September 21st, a right to life group staged an event against Planned Parenthood. They urged thousands of people to call Planned Parenthood offices to schedule mammograms. The point they were trying to make, is that Planned Parenthood does not provide mammograms at all. They have apparently missed the point, that Planned Parenthood offers REFERRALS for free and low cost mammograms.

Republicans, right wing Christians and other right to lifers, are attempting to yank Planned Parenthood's federal funding, in an effort to prevent abortions. Never mind the FACT that abortions make up 3% of what PP provides. The free and low cost mammogram REFERRALS, coupled with Pap tests and cervical cancer screenings, make up 14%. Contraception makes up about 33.5% and testing for sexually transmitted infections is about 38%. These are all wonderful services that every community benefits from. 

So without further ado, here are my top 10 suggestions for things Right to Lifers should do, instead of trying to destroy an agency that's provided necessary medical help for almost 100 years. 

1. Organize a clothing donation drive at your church. The average American throws away 65 pounds of clothing a year. This is incredibly bad for our environment, you know with landfills overflowing and all. So this is what I want you to do. Make some fliers. Provide some donation boxes. Ask members of your church to donate their clean, used and unwanted clothing. Then select a Saturday, invite poor and homeless folks from your community to come and pick out FREE clothing. It's a win, win. Landfills are spared AND homeless people are clothed. You know, because that Jesus guy sure seemed to care a lot about the less fortunate. 

2. Provide free seminars for community members interested in adoption. There are currently over 100,000 children living in foster homes that are eligible for adoption. You want to call yourself a right to lifer? Then spend a little time and money, encouraging community members to help make life better for children that are actually living. 

3. Feed the hungry. It's estimated that there are 16,000,000 kids in America that do not get the proper amount of food everyday. All that money that is being donated to your favorite right to life group? Stop it. Stop spending money in an attempt to take away a woman's right to choose. Go donate money, or food, to your local food pantry.

4. You want to campaign congress to make a real difference in our communities? How about organizing an effort to get our elected officials to take better care of our veterans? You know all of those wars that we fight? Combat veterans come home from those wars and most never get the proper medical and mental health care that they need. While you're wearing shirts emblazoned with the American flag, and spouting off about how patriotic you are, millions of veterans are struggling. Go do something about that shit.

5.

Fuck. Maybe 10 things was a little too ambitious. You get the point, right?

Seriously, there are so many things in life to be upset about. The fact that women have a safe, medically sound clinic available to meet their health needs, is never, NEVER, one of those things.

While we're at it. Go get laid. It's been medically proven that regular sex helps lower stress, lower the risk of heart attack, helps you sleep better and boosts your immune system. Besides, everyone knows that those that get laid regularly are less cunty. Don't be cunty my friends.

Fuck Your Rape Culture

Over the past several days, a former Toledo Mayor (and current candidate for Mayor, Toledo is fucked up in that way; constantly recycling politicians.) was accused of groping a young woman in a local Toledo bar. Since the young woman spoke out about the harassment, she has been subjected to all manner of disgusting comments. She has been attacked for her appearance, been called a liar and even the accused man, commented on social media that this is a conspiracy to derail his current campaign.

Over the past several weeks, Patrick Kane, one of my favorite hockey players, has been accused of sexual assault. Part of me hopes that it isn't true, but most of me knows that he probably did it.

In case you have somehow missed this fact: I am a man. Why is a man writing a column about "rape culture?" Frankly, because someone has to grow a fucking pair and speak up.

First, and most importantly, as a man it is never, NEVER, never ok to rape anyone. It is never ok to have sex with anyone that is unable to consciously consent. It is never ok to touch a woman that doesn't want to be touched. It is never ok to even comment on a woman's appearance as she is walking down the street. In fact, as a man, it is our responsibility to make sure that we don't make women uncomfortable. Yes, even if you are in a bar.

Second, we will stop shaming women that speak out about their rapes. A woman is never raped because of poor decision making skills. She is never raped because of the clothes that she wears. She is never raped because she drank too much. A woman is only raped because someone raped her. That is the only reason. If you blame a woman for her rape, you are scum and don't deserve to be called a human being. If you make fun of her appearance, you should be punched in the face. A rape victim has already gone through enough torment, and it is our job as a society to be accepting of her, encouraging of her strength and honesty and to be supportive in any and every way possible.

You see, studies have found that upwards of 98% of rape victims are telling the truth. Studies show that 1 in every 4 women will be raped in their lifetime. Studies show that the United States of America is the 13th most likely country for a woman to be raped in. If these numbers don't disturb you, then you need more help than this column can provide you.

Men, this has to stop. Now. When a woman says no, stop. This is not a debate. Even if she is your wife or girlfriend. It is up to us to start changing the way women are treated.

Yes, I understand completely, that men and boys are raped too. This is equally repugnant.

Stop the fucking madness already.

I am disgusted by human behavior. We're not fucking pigs. Stop acting like them. We can be macho and dominant and strong and all of that bullshit, and still respect women.

Give Unions Their Due

On Veterans Day, we are urged to thank those that have served our country. We should. They've earned that respect.

On Father's Day, we honor Dads, on Mother's Day we honor Moms. On Memorial Day, we honor our dead, on the 4th of July, we celebrate the independence of our country.

On Labor Day, we post memes about what unions have brought us, and we have a cook out and celebrate the end of summer.

This year, I'm urging my friends to do something a little different; take some time today to thank a union member. Tell them happy Labor Day.

I have been a member of three different unions. I have served those unions as an alternate steward, a steward and have been active on the CAP (Community Action Program) of the UAW.

Today, as a card carrying member of the International Union, United Automobile, Aerospace and Agricultural Implement Workers of America, better known as the UAW, I have the honor of being a member of one of the strongest and most storied unions that our country has ever known. I am damn proud of that membership.

I build Jeeps in Toledo and work for Fiat Chrysler. Right now, my fellow union brothers and sisters are experiencing a few of the ups and downs that are associated with being union members. Our current union contract expires in seven days. Three weeks ago, we took a strike vote to authorize our international committee to use a strike as a negotiating tool. At my local union hall, that strike vote passed with 99.6% support. Nationally, UAW members have voted 95% in favor of striking if it is deemed necessary.

News reports broke last week, that the Toledo plant that I work in, would lose one of the two Jeep SUV's that we build. The CEO of our company told a news reporter, that the Jeep Cherokee would be assembled somewhere else in the near future. That news comes despite the fact that many of my union brothers and sisters and I worked seven days a week last year and built a record 516,000 Jeeps. Only one other auto plant in the United States built more cars than we did. This is a prime example of the state of the American Worker in today's world. We sacrifice our time, our bodies, our sweat, and we are continually rewarded with concerns over the security of our jobs.

But today is Labor Day. It's a national paid holiday, created to honor labor unions in the United States. Why would we honor labor unions?

In a capitalist society, employers don't usually just hand their employees benefits. Eight hour work days, forty hour work weeks, weekends off, paid holidays, paid vacations, paid personal days, retirement accounts, overtime pay, health insurance, short term disability, breaks at work, lunch breaks, FMLA, social security, child labor laws, unemployment benefits, workplace safety laws, age discrimination in employment laws, veterans employment laws, sexual harassment laws, the Americans with Disabilities Act, pregnancy and paternal leave, military leave, the civil rights act, equal pay acts; all of these have been brought to all American workers because of Unions.

In an era of American history, where lobbyists control our politics, the American Worker really only has one voice in Washington; labor unions.

The unions are the middle class, and union membership is declining. States are passing laws aimed at crippling the voice that unions have. It is no coincidence that nearly all of the economic growth in our country goes to the richest of the rich, while worker's wages have remained stagnant for years. It's no coincidence that the states that have passed anti-union legislation, now have the highest rates of workplace injuries. Weakening unions is directly responsible for the continuing decline of the middle class.

Today, as a member of the UAW, politicians still flock to us, to shake our hands and ask for our support, promising to support the American work force. Every local charity imaginable, petitions our union for donations to their cause. The Toledo Assembly Complex, where we currently build Wranglers and Cherokees, is the largest financial supporter of the local United Way. Recently our UAW local held a 'bike rodeo,' where we donated dozens of bicycles and helmets to local children. Our local has a Veteran's Committee, that provides amenities to local disabled veterans. We have a woman's committee that works to bring awareness to equality and women's rights. We have a diversity committee that works on diversity and equality issues. We collect food and money during the holidays and provide Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner to thousands of local needy families. We have an 'angel tree' every year at Christmas time, where we select dozens of local families, and provide their families with Christmas presents. Last Easter, over a hundred local children received Easter baskets, thanks to our UAW Local 12. You don't see these things in the news very often, but those same news companies rush to report the amount of our annual profit sharing checks.

And the middle class is dying, and union membership is shriveling.

On this Labor Day, would you take a moment to reach out to someone you know that's a union member? Will you personally tell them thank you? Tell them thanks for paying dues and supporting the rights of the working man and woman? Could you take a moment from your paid holiday, the same paid holiday that was created to honor these men and women, and tell them thank you for that?

Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity

"All rise," a behemoth bailiff orders.

Everyone in the courtroom stands at once. The Judge enters the room through a door behind the bench. He quickly surveys his crowded courtroom. Pleased, he orders everyone to be seated.

When everyone is seated and the commotion of the room is settled, he begins the formalities of the hearing. He greets both the prosecutor and the defendant and the defendant's legal counsel. He goes through a few rules for the attorneys. He turns and greets the jury. He goes over a few rules with them. Satisfied that everything is in order he grants permission for the prosecutor to present the charges.

The prosecutor stands to face the Judge and the jury. He is a tall, well built man. He wears an understated gray suit with an appropriate burgundy tie. He likely purchased the suit and tie as a set in any local men's clothing chain store.

"Your honor and members of the jury," he begins, "this man is here facing charges of general subversiveness, of bucking the system, of not following the mainstream and most dangerously of all, this man is charged with calling himself a writer."

There is an audible gasp. The crowd begins to murmur amongst themselves. The Judge brings his gavel down on the bench.

"Order. Order. Order." he shouts.

When order is finally restored the prosecutor continues.

"During this trial, we will present evidence and testimony that this man has publicly stated that cable television is a detriment to humanity. He has visited art museums in various states around our fair country. He has been a regular at poetry readings and libraries. He has caused disturbances amongst his coworkers, calling them robots because they have chosen to follow widely held beliefs. He has questioned their religious beliefs, encouraged them to stop watching reality TV shows, been critical of their tastes in pop music, and has argued that they are brainwashed by their government."

The prosecutor stops to take a sip from his bottle of water, allowing the jury to process his words.

He starts again.

"Furthermore, this man has encouraged others to explore art. He has recommended obscure music to them and has been known to share books, books that he's purchased with his own meager salary, with his acquaintances. Even when these people aren't normally readers, still he has zealously urged them to pick up these books. He has been known to write words of prose that he calls poetry. Many of these 'poems' are derogatory in nature towards our government, towards our very way of life as Americans. This man has began calling himself a writer, claiming that he is working on a manuscript for a novel. We have proof that he has watched countless documentaries, read thousands upon thousands of books. He has publicly admitted to idolizing such deviants as Hunter S. Thompson, Charles Bukowski, Ernest Hemingway, Howard Zinn, Timothy Leary and countless others."

Another pause, another sip from the water bottle.

"Ladies and gentleman of the jury, we have in our presence, over 50 people who are willing to testify that his man has loaned them books from his own library. They will testify that this defendant has publicly identified as a socialist. They will testify that he has encouraged them all to think for themselves. This man is a menace to the public. He is a disturber of the peace. He is a monster, and he will stop at nothing to undermine the easygoing lives that all Americans deserve."

The prosecutor sits down and signals to the Judge that he has finished his opening statements. The Judge invites the attorney for the defendant to speak. The attorney turns and whispers to the accused man. They whisper back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the attorney shrugs and turns back to face the Judge.

"If it pleases the court your honor, my client would like to make a statement to our courtroom."

The Judge looks puzzled.

"This is certainly out of the ordinary, but very well. The defendant may speak."

Slowly the defendant stands. He walks around the table that he shares with his attorney. He comes to a stop just a few feet from the Judge's bench. He turns slightly, facing the Judge, the jury and most of the audience. He clears his throat and begins,

"Your honor and my fellow citizens. Everything that the prosecutor says is true. I am not ashamed to admit to these allegations. You see, once upon a time, our country held artists and writers in high esteem. People like Ernest Hemingway and Hunter Thompson were celebrities. Andy Warhol, Janis Joplin and even Edward Hopper and Jackson Pollock were well known. Years ago, many people in my generation grew up reading assigned books in school. Now, children just watch the movies in their classrooms."

"Years ago, my parents raised me to think for myself. They have often disagreed with my beliefs. They were particularly saddened when I confessed that I was an atheist. But they were proud that I came to that conclusion on my own terms."

"I have read thousands of books, visited dozens of art museums, attended hundreds of concerts, been a regular at poetry readings, all because these things bring me great joy in life. Does not our Declaration of Independence state that the pursuit of happiness is an unalienable right?"

"And yes, I have written poetry and have started and stopped several manuscripts. I have encouraged others around me to read, because I want them to experience the same joy that books bring my life. I have encouraged those that I come in contact with to learn to think for themselves. We are human beings. Human beings are not designed to live in subject to other human beings. Learning to think for one's self is the purest form of freedom. All men deserve to be free."

"So I have decided to change my plea your honor. I plead not guilty, by reason of insanity. No sane person would dare believe that you can encourage free thought in today's society and not be judged for doing so. No sane person would encourage others to read books, when most houses have more televisions than bookshelves. No sane human being would find beauty in art, in music. Certainly not in a society that values forced drama on their reality shows. Yes, I must be insane, thus I am not guilty."

The defendant sits down. The crowd murmurs briefly. The Judge looks confused. Finally he comes to action.

"The defendant can not be trusted to keep the peace in our society. He must be detained until he can learn to comply with our ways. He will learn to love our television programs. He will give up his books. He will stop this visiting of art museums. He will desist calling himself a writer. Until such point that he is able to do so, he will continue to be judged as odd, strange, weird, by his peers. They will continue to refer to him as a commie atheist. The defendant will feel ill at ease around his peers, because he has chosen a free thinking lifestyle that most do not understand."



Let it be so. Your favorite angry writer stands in opposition to your mainstream thinking. He believes he is not guilty, by reason of insanity.

Now go read a fucking book.