Who Gives a Goddamn Flying Fuck?

What in tarnation is happening in our world?  I scroll through Facebook yesterday and everyone is going crazy about the color of some fucking dress.  This morning at work, everyone is talking about the same dress. It's a fucking dress! Who gives a flying fuck? There are more important, real problems in our world and everyone is freaking out about some fucking dress. I haven't eaten any bacon in four damn days! Now that, is a serious problem!

Seriously, how does the color of some dress take over the fucking Internet? How do these things go viral? You know this Internet thing we're all using right now? The FCC made a major ruling about it this week, protecting net neutrality.  This ensures that communications companies can not throttle Internet speeds, block competitor's websites, or bill you more for how you use the Internet. Yet, people using Facebook, a social media site on the Internet, hardly noticed.

Last week, Americans were obsessed about Kanye and his blatant disregard for award show protocol.  It's Kanye West.  He's a self absorbed, mediocre entertainer, married to a reality television star.  Who gives a flying fuck about awards shows, or Kanye for that matter?  You know what else happened around the same time Kanye was rude at the awards show?  The President of the United States asked congress to consider war measures against ISIS.  That's fairly newsworthy, yet very few people in my Facebook news feed mentioned it.  

Roughly 37% of eligible American voters, voted in our last general election.  I'd be willing to bet that at least half of all Americans are aware that there is a dress that looks different in dim lighting.  The fucking dress is more talked about on Facebook than that last election. 

In other news, Leonard Nimoy died today.  I have never watched a single episode, or movie rendition of Star Trek.  I likely never will.  I am aware that Nimoy played 'Spock' on Star Trek.  I can even do the weird thing with my fingers that 'Trekkies' do, although I don't know why they do it.  I recently watched George Takei's documentary on Netflix.  It featured interview clips with Nimoy.  I learned a few years ago that Nimoy was a poet.  I read some of his poetry on the internet.  I didn't care for it much, a collection of rhyming poems.  Nimoy seemed like an interesting guy from all of the different things I've read about him over the years.  'Trekkies' are highly devoted individuals though and I'm sure you're all distraught about Nimoy's death.  Nimoy has taken Facebook by storm today. 

I guess this is turning into a column about Facebook.  What in the hell would we do without Facebook?  I'd be lost.  It is predominantly the only tool that I use to stay in contact with people that I know.  I have a lot of intelligent people on my friend's list.  In between the incessant memes, cat videos and posts about Kanye and dresses, there are often a lot of interesting news and tidbits shared by Facebook users.  I can often get lost, chasing through news articles and links when I scroll through the news feed. 

Hopefully the fucking dress, that changes colors, will quickly fade from our collective fascination.  As soon as the dress story fades, there will be another viral story about something just as inane.  Meanwhile, wars will be waged, new ones will be declared and I will have gone yet another day without consuming bacon.  I'm sure no one much gives a goddamn flying fuck though. 

Hibernatin'

Some bears and rodents hibernate through the winter months.  I'm not a zoologist, or ethologist, or whomever ologist it is that studies animals.  As I understand hibernation, the animals that hibernate, do so in order to survive the winter months, when food is scarce.  They eat a large amount of food, store the food in fat cells, slow their metabolisms down and basically sleep through the winter months. 

There are humans, like myself, that suffer from depression.  My depression is diagnosed by my primary care physician and my psychologist, as mild depression.  Usually my depression worsens during the winter months.  Some people experience a depression called S.A.D., or Seasonal Affective Disorder, in which they become depressed during the winter months.  This type of depression usually goes away when the season changes.  My doctor hasn't diagnosed me with Seasonal Affective Disorder, because I also experience depression at other times of the year. 

The older I get, winter seems to get longer, colder and more brutal.  My metabolism slows, but I still eat as much as I always do.  It isn't scientifically possible for humans to hibernate, although I often wish that it were.  I was thinking today (yes I know, me thinking tends to be dangerous) that I usually spend the warmer months doing things outside.  I love summer and sunshine and all of the outdoor things that come along with it.  I'm more active and sociable during spring, summer and fall.  Perhaps I soak up all of that sunshine and adventure in an attempt to store it inside, hoping that I've stored up enough to help me endure the winter.  I failed miserably this year. 

I have tried a handful of different prescriptions for depression.  My doctor constantly suggests them to me.  The difficulty for me, is that my depression is mild.  It isn't consistent for days, weeks or months.  I may feel depressed for a few days at a time, have one or two good days, before feeling depressed again.  Over the course of my life, I have developed coping mechanisms to deal with my mental health issues.  Usually after a couple of days of moping about depressed, I'll drag my carcass to the gym, meet with friends, or do something to get me out of the "funk."  Because of the "mildness" of my depression, I have always stopped taking the prescriptions that my doctor prescribes, because the side effects don't seem to be worth the hassle.  One medication made my head feel funny.  Another decreased my sex drive.  Fuck that shit.  I'd rather be a little depressed and still be able to get an erection.  That really is just fucking cruel.  We can give you a medication that will stop you from killing yourself, but you won't be able to maintain a hard on.  If ever, there was anyone that needed the ability to get it up, it's depressed people. 

In addition to mild depression, I have also been diagnosed with A.D.H.D., O.C.D. and P.T.S.D.  That's Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for those of you unfamiliar with a psychologist's office.  Why am I sharing this with you?  Recently a friend on Facebook mentioned the stigmata associated with mental health issues in our society.  The stigmata needs to go away.  Many people struggle with mental health disorders.  I've decided that I won't add to the stigmata (I like that word, stigmata) and will no longer be silent about the issues that I deal with, often on a daily basis. 

I have a tendency to be lighthearted about most things in life.  I regularly joke about being crazy.  I won't stop doing that.  Being lighthearted is a large part of who I am.  If you find yourself needing help with your mental health, please do something about it.  Most employers have an Employee Assistance Program.  I have made use of the program at my job, on more than one occasion.  If you're unemployed, there are other programs available, although not as many as there should be.  Our government tends to not care much about your mental health, or your physical health really, but that is another topic, for another week. 

It's snowy, cold and miserable outdoors.  I hate winter.  I hate it more every year.  Because hibernation isn't a viable option, you're all stuck dealing with me through the winter months.  I'm sorry for that.  Well, at least I should be. 

Love is Overrated

It's Valentine's Day, a day that we celebrate love.  Valentine's Day is a christian holiday, celebrated by many Christian denominations in honor of a few martyred saints.  Is it ironic that we celebrate love in honor of people who were murdered?  Love/murder?  Basically the same thing, except one results in a quicker ending. 

Love, the favorite topic of poets since poets were chiseling verse on stone tablets.  Every poet that has ever lived has taken a crack at writing a love poem.  Love is the reason that poetry exists and it is overrated.  Yes.  I know it's hypocritical for a poet to say this, but it's true.  Human beings spend too much time obsessing about love. 

Take a look at the memes and inspirational quotes that appear in your Facebook news feed.  I'd bet there is a high percentage of those memes and quotes dedicated to love.  Not just today, but most Saturdays.  We read books on love, books on loving ourselves.  We watch Dr. Phil, listen to radio talk shows about love.  Love stories are the most frequently read books, amongst the highest grossing movies.  We are obsessed with soul mates and true love.  I'd argue that neither of those exist. 

Dan! You were recently married!  How can you be so cynical?  Cynicism is a direct result of living life, but cynicism isn't what drives my opinions on love. 

In Osho's book Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously, he says that we are like people who study a map of a mountain.  We read books about the mountain.  We research all available information about the mountain and we move about claiming to be experts on the mountain.  Until we actually climb the mountain, walk it's paths, drink from its streams, we can never really know the mountain.  Osho says the same is true of love.  We can read about love, talk about love, research love, but until we experience love, we can never really know it. 

This is my problem with love; it means something different to almost everyone.  It's why I write poems about it, knowing that there are already 10 million love poems.  Love is likely different to me than your experience, because I view love based on a thousand different variables in my life, that are unique to only me.  All of those variables make up my reality, my perception, and through that perception I see the love that I know.  Love is unique for all people. 

So why would I say that love is overrated? As humans, we spend too much time looking for love, looking for a soul mate and not enough time just living.  I learned a few years ago, that because I'm crazy, dysfunctional and weird, that I might never find someone as strange as I am. I began to look for love in other avenues. No, I'm not speaking of hookers. I am lucky enough to have a few friends who love me unconditionally, inspite of me being a goofy, crazy, angry curmudgeon. I had to learn to let that love be enough. 

Yes, since that time, my love life has changed. I have a friend, someone that I adored because of her quirky nature, her intelligence.  As luck would have it, she also happens to be absolutely gorgeous. My friend and I dated and I quickly fell in love with her. She is the only human being that I've ever wanted to be with, everyday, consistently.  That friend is now my wife and I am aware of how lucky I truly am. 

Happy Valentines Day. Celebrate the love you have, in honor of people who were murdered thousands of years ago. If no one has told you today that you are loved, find new people to be around. I probably don't love you either, but I'll be nice when you're around. 

*writer's note:  I'm not too fond of this topic and part of this column was written on my smart phone, which is a first for me. 

Gettin' by

"and it occurred to me that everybody suffered continually, including those who pretended they didn't."  -Charles Bukowski in South of No North

A friend's mother went to Hospice today.  Another friend's mother-in-law died this morning.  The Mayor of Toledo died.  Friend's go through relationship issues.  Life is a series of continual struggles for everyone and life keeps on going.

There are some days when I look about me and all I see is the sadness in life.  I used to think that there were  people that were immune to life's problems.  Then I learned that everyone has them.  We all suffer with something.

Part of being an artist, is seeing the world with a different eye and capturing that view with your art.  A painter paints from his perspective.   A writer writes what he sees.  Although today was a relatively positive one for me, I couldn't help but notice the sadness all around.  It seems as if everyone is just getting by somehow.  I often wonder how anyone lives happily, with tragedy all around us. 

I suppose that I manage by focusing on the good things.  I have a safe haven, locked inside the doors of my living space.  Inside that space is a safe environment.  I can lock all of the sad and depressing things outside and relax with my wife and our cats.  It is my favorite place to be.  When I'm outside of that space, I am surrounded by imperfect humans and all of their sadness. 

It's Friday and traditionally my wife and I go out to dinner on Friday nights.  We aren't wealthy, but we're lucky to have jobs that provide us enough income to eat at any restaurant we choose.  Tonight we sat in a barbecue restaurant and I watched other couples sitting at their tables, eating food and ignoring each other.  I watched families methodically going through the motions of life.  It can be depressing when you notice what goes on with the people around you. 

My wife and I sat at our booth and enjoyed our dinner.  We talked about our jobs, our family, our friends.  We talked of plans of an upcoming trip to Chicago.  My friendship with her is one of the most valued items in my life.  I enjoy the fact that we are friends and lovers.  In a lot of ways that friendship, for me, is one of the ways that I keep that sadness out. 

We all have struggles.  I see them in your lives my friends.  I can't make the sadness go away.  I can only reassure you that I too have experienced deep sadness.  My experiences have taught me that it will lessen with time and new sad things will take their place.  Be happy when you can.  Find ways to lock out the sadness for a while.  A man doesn't do well to let the sadness in all of the time.  There has to be a safe haven in our lives.  Without that safe haven, I couldn't bear to live in the sad, sad world. 

Being delusional often helps too.  Seriously, the ability to pretend like struggles aren't there goes a long way towards making life livable. 

I'll leave you with a short, Dan Denton original poem.

"How do you stay
so calm?" she asked.
"Being delusional helps."
I replied.
and it does
because if I had
to live in reality
every moment
of every day
I would either
go totally insane
or I would send
my soul
back to the gods.