A Father and His Son

I've put off writing this column long enough. I put it off because it's a difficult topic, or maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just difficult for me. 

A week and a half ago, or two weeks, or who can really tell how long ago, since our news media cycles faster than I can change my underwear daily, but a while ago, there was a news story about a young white male from a Catholic School in Kentucky facing off with a Native American drummer in Washington D.C. I will confess that upon seeing the video for the first time, I was angry about what I saw. But, there's never a shortage of things to be angry about in today's world, so it cycled through like everything else. Then, the next day, and the day after that, other videos surfaced, and the whole story became a little more cohesive. I think there are valuable lessons in this debacle. 

Let me start here: my son is 14 years old, and he currently espouses ideas that I don't. Yes, my son is an avid Trump supporter, and a fan of Republicans. That is a matter of some consternation for me, and likely to him, too. A lot of that can be attributed to the fact that I made humans with his Mother, a woman that also has beliefs that vary vastly from mine. 

So, when the story first hit social media about the white kid, and the Native American, I reached out to my son, and we discussed it. We talked about being respectful to those we don't agree with, and how to resolve conflicts in heated moments. My son and I do this frequently. We talk about things going on in our world, and our ideas about those events, and though we rarely agree politically, we do this in a mostly respectful manner. 

Do I wish that my son believed differently? The answer to that is complicated. There are parts of me that wishes he did, and there are parts of me that wants him to grow to be a man that has his own belief system, whichever way that slants. One thing is beyond certain: I love my son with all that I am. I love to hug him, and spend time with him, and talk about girls, history, sports, and his ever growing coin collection. I love him in ways that I never thought possible before he and his twin sister were born. 

That's the part of the news story from Washington D.C. that hit me the hardest. What if that was my son? How would I feel if I clicked open the Facebook App on my phone, and I read thousands of comments from liberals wanting to punch my son? Well, that's easy enough to answer actually. If you want to harm my son, you're going to have to harm me, too, because I love him, and I don't want him to get hurt. Protecting him is part of my job as his father. 

But, I think the lessons to be learned go deeper even than that. It involves admitting some things I don't like to admit. It involves acknowledging some hypocrisies, and nobody ever likes doing that. 

First, there are some people in control of the "news" that want to manipulate what we think and believe. It's true. There is no getting around this fact. A lot of our "news" is controlled by people that want, and need to make money from their work. That fact alone should make all of us skeptical about what they're reporting. I've often lamented the fact that 24 hour news channels have ruined how our news is reported. There's probably some truth in that, too. 

Second, and I've written about this before, we're allowing ourselves to become the things that we say we hate. Listen! My blog is titled "Notes of an Angry Man" for good reasons. I have literally been involved in at least 100 physical altercations in my life. I've dabbled in boxing, and a little Mixed Martial Arts. My nose has been broken, twice. When I was a younger man, I got punched in the face often. I don't regret any of it. It is part of who I am as a human, and I have slowly evolved and learned from those events. That might be why I strive to be a kind man today. Maybe I got all my fighting out of the way early in life, or maybe I choose to fight in different ways. But this is a fact: punching someone in the face is not the best way to deal with conflict. In fact, it is a crime. It's against the law to do it. Yet, hundreds of thousands of people were suggesting that we do just that: punch a 16 year old kid in the face. There's some irony in the fact that many of those people think of themselves as hippies. 

Now look, I don't have all the answers to life. I never will. I'm like most men, bumbling through life, and trying to evolve into the best version of me that I can be. I've got a theory about punching people. That theory goes a little something like this: one of the reasons that kids are the way they are today, is because they don't get punched anymore. One of the things I learned as a young man growing up in the projects in Central Illinois, is that there's some things I can't say, or I'll get punched in the face. I learned not to insult some one's mother, or call another guy a "bitch" unless I was ready to fight. I live by those rules still today. I find myself backing away from conflict more, the older I get. Not because I'm afraid to fight, but because I've learned that there really isn't a winner in a fight. Even when I thought I won a fight, I still got hurt, or arrested. 

I digress. The point I'm trying to make is that we often jump to conclusions before the whole story is told. We are on edge everyday, and we treat those that disagree with us, as if they were our enemies. History tells us that is dangerous, but we ignore history. Maybe we need to study the Hollywood Blacklist more, and how so many people's lives were ruined just for their beliefs. Or revisit the "red scare" and McCarthyism. Or remember how Japanese Americans were put into camps during WWII. Or the holocaust. Or the fighting in the Middle East. 

Really, I think we need to remember that human beings are more important than ideas. I know that I need to be reminded of that, and often. Just because someone doesn't agree with me politically, doesn't mean that they are my enemy. Do I really need to point out that I'm not talking about Nazi's or KKK members here? I hope not. You should know that I'm not saying that. Even still, I don't think punching Nazi's is an appropriate way to show our disagreements. 

One of the most beautiful things about America is the diversity of the people that make up our country. Yes, people make America what it is; not laws, not political beliefs. Just as I crave the freedom to be who I am, I must allow others the same freedom. And if you can't get behind that idea, then I don't know if there's any hope left. 

Go find a way to be kind today, and don't get caught doing it. I'm going to go text my son that I love  him, so that he knows he has the freedom to be him. 

Congrats Liberals. We Lost Again.

Look. I don't want to write this. I wish I didn't have to, but for fuck's sake, enough is enough.

Us liberals? Us Democratic voters? We lost again, and we've let hate win. That Restaurant owner in Virginia that asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to leave because she works for Trump? That owner is wrong. All of you that are laughing about it, and celebrating it? You're wrong too.

Somewhere right now, my Mother would be smiling knowing that I'm writing this. That's a good thing. I don't have any idea when the last time was that I've done anything to make my Mother smile. But this is why she'd be happy I'm writing this: Every single part of my being wants to learn to be a kind man.

You see, it's acceptable to lash out about the policies of our presidential administration. There are a fuck ton of reasons why all Americans should be lashing out at them, but at the end of the day we're letting hate win if we treat them, and their avid supporters, as less than human.

No, I'm not saying that we have to befriend Nazis, or KKK members. I won't. You shouldn't either, but no matter how hateful, disgusting, and vile I think they are, I don't want to physically harm them. They're American too after all, and they get the same freedoms and rights that we get.

And really, kicking SHS out of a restaurant is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. We have all allowed our country to fall into an outrage culture. We wake up every morning, and we wait around all day looking for something to be pissed at. Should we be pissed at Immigrant children being separated from their parents? Fuck yes we should, but we should also acknowledge that Obama's administration wasn't really friendly to immigrants either. Finding concrete numbers, and comparing apples to apples is difficult to do, but it is accurate to say that when Barack Obama was President, a lot of immigrants where deported. Some reports say that he was responsible for deporting more than 'W' did. Other reports say that they changed the way they report the numbers of deportations, and it's not clear. Either way, his administration wasn't as saintly as we like to think they were.

All I'm trying to say is this: we have to stop allowing our outrage to block us from what really matters. As for me? I'm going to wake up every morning and try to find ways to be a kind man. If I know a coworker, or a neighbor needs a helping hand, I'm going to try to help them. I'm not going to stop and ask what their political beliefs are before I offer that help. You know why? Because they're  human beings, and hating human beings for their beliefs has never, not once, made a positive change in the world we live in.

I told my wife yesterday, that if Donald Trump knocked on my door tomorrow, and said that he was hungry, I would share our dinner with him. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Trump's behavior, and policies, are no reflection of who I am as a man, but the way I treat him, and other human beings, is.

So Mom, I hope you're smiling somewhere, because right now, in my 39th summer on planet Earth, I still remember something that you tried to teach me when I was a child. I'm not supposed to treat people the way they treat people, I'm supposed to treat them like I want to be treated. And that? That's a universal cardinal rule in almost every single spiritual philosophy.

Unalienable

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."

-from the second paragraph of the U.S. Declaration of Independence

unalienable- impossible to take away or give up (Merriam-Webster's Dictionary)


The other day I read the news that Jeff Sessions, the Attorney General of the United States, said that the Civil Rights Act of 1964 does not protect transgender citizens from employment discrimination. This comes after The President of the United States signed a declaration effectively banning transgender citizens from serving in our military.

Both of these news pieces are highly disturbing to this angry writer. First, The Declaration of Independence lays out the fact that all human beings are born with rights that no one can take away. It should be noted, that The Declaration does not stipulate that only Americans are born with these rights, rather that all men have them.

The thing that really bothers me, besides the fact that I believe both Sessions and Trump to be fascists, is that I'm aware of just how hard the LGBTQ+ community has fought to gain recognition as human beings.

Recently I had the pleasure of listening to The Gay Revolution: The Story of the Struggle, a wonderful book written by Lillian Faderman. It details in great length how our government systemically denied gay people basic rights. From being fired from government jobs, stripped of military benefits after serving honorably in wars, to being arrested and having their lives ruined, our government spent decades antagonizing gay folks.

Now this is a key point to remember; no minority group has ever been handed equal rights by our government. Every single group has had to demand those equal rights, whether by marching and demonstrating, or by rioting. Read about the Stonewall Riots when you have a few free moments. It's one of the most delightful pieces of American History. A group of drag queens terrorizing the NYPD. What I would have given to have been able to witness that scene!

So now we enter the Summer of 2017, when two wealthy white men, both with ties to racism, decide to dismantle the basic rights of transgender citizens. Unalienable rights? Rights that can't be taken away? Pissing all over the Declaration of Independence is one hell of a way to make America great again.

I recently had a brief conversation with my 13 year old son. I told him that I've always believed that as white, straight men, we have an obligation to help protect the rights of all minorities. As our government inches more towards fascism everyday, that's more important than ever.

No human being, especially an American, should ever be treated as less than, just for being who they are. And not one single one of us should tolerate it. Fascists can go fuck themselves. We are either all created equal, and endowed with these unalienable rights, or we can no longer consider this to be a free country. We must stand together and turn back this evil, and yes, stripping human beings of basic rights is evil.

What the Fuck America?

I'm tired. In two days I'll be 38 years old. The average life expectancy of an American man is 76 years. This means that I'm middle aged now. I have lived half of my life already. If I'm lucky, and it will take some luck with the way I've lived the first half of my life, I've got 38 more years to spend wandering around Planet Earth. Half of my life is over, and I'm tired.

I'm tired of fighting all the time. I'm tired of politics. I'm tired of fighting with people that I care about because they have different beliefs than I do. Don't jump too quick on the, "yeah Dan, stop fighting already," wagon, because you've been fighting with me too. Most of us are guilty of this, and I'm tired of it, and I don't know how to make it stop.

I've visited Times Square in New York City a couple of different times in the first half of my life. I hope to see it again in the last half. New York is a wonderful city, full of life, and activity, and human beings. I don't want to live there, but I have loved visiting.

On one particular visit to Times Square, I walked down a full city block, and started counting. To the best of my knowledge, which is admittedly very little in this subject area, I counted seven different languages being spoken. Seven different languages. Seven different cultures. You know what that is? That's America. At least that's what America is supposed to be. The great country that everyone wants to visit, everyone wants to live in. The great melting pot.

But lets face it. That's not what America is. At least not anymore. You know what America is? It's a country of arrogant, intolerant people, myself included.

One of the great joys of my life, has been meeting people that are different. If you are different than me in skin color, in cultural background, in sexual identity, in fashion tastes, in any way really, I'm fascinated by you. I want to know you. I want to know what life is like for you. I want to hear of your experiences. You've traveled to Europe? Please, let me buy you coffee and listen to your tales. You've taught English in China? I want to know what it was like. Were you afraid? How did you adjust? What are their grocery stores like?

That's the thing that's supposed to make America great. We're supposed to be a united people relishing in our freedom, even though we come from very diverse places in life. Instead, we judge people by their political beliefs, and we fight with them on social media.

I'm tired, and I'm done.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere, and this is where I'm drawing it for me. I refuse to live the last half of my life fighting with you because you vote republican. Neither will I tolerate your disdain for how I vote. I'm just not going to do it anymore. No more negativity. I fight too many internal battles to exert any more energy worrying about whether you support an NFL quarterback sitting during the national anthem. Oh, you think I'm a traitor because I do? That's fine. Go share it with someone else, because I don't care. I don't even want to hear about it. And if that's what you're going to use as a metric for keeping me as a friend, then I'm sorry that you are so intolerant. It's been nice knowing you.

You might think I'm being selfish here. Perhaps you're right. There is a part of me that truly wants to leave a better world for my children to live in, but I'm not going to accomplish that by arguing on Facebook. You're not going to either, but you're welcome to spend your energy however you wish.

I told myself several years ago that my number one priority in life was to be happy. I lose sight of that sometimes. No more. That's it. That's my one goal in life; to live happily. I'm just a man that really enjoys staying home in my nice double wide, talking to my cats, being near my wife, knowing that our children are ok, and not in any immediate danger. I like watching movies, and reading books, and writing poetry, and eating good food. I like road trips, and going on adventures. I like good music, and meeting interesting people. I like learning things about new places, and about cultures that I've never experienced. I like art, and mostly I like the people that make it. These are the things that make me happy, and I'm hell bent on spending the last half of my life doing them.

You're welcome to hang around, and enjoy the last half of my life with me. But don't bring any negativity with you. I've only got 38 years left, if I'm lucky, and I don't have any time to waste worrying about who you're voting for.

The Truth About Memorial Day

Memorial Day. It's the day we honor the military men and women that died while fighting for our country. Not to be confused with Veterans Day, the day we celebrate all veterans.

Many people know that I have a lot of strong political views, but now is not the time for political grandstanding. The one thing that Americans should always do, no matter your political beliefs, is honor those that have died while serving. I'm a proponent of peace, but still, I respect veterans.

This is the message that I want to convey on this Memorial Day. Barack Obama, and our elected representatives do not get to celebrate this day. Fuck them. Not when hundreds of veterans commit suicide every year. Not when thousands of veterans are struggling with PTSD, and other health issues that are going untreated, because lets be honest, America is a country that is quick to send our young men and women into war zones, but we don't take care of them once they return home.

Not when we live in a country that has programs like the Wounded Warrior, which should be entirely unnecessary. You fight for our country, you should have your needs met for the rest of your life. Why would we need a non-profit to build wheelchair ramps for veterans with no legs? Why wouldn't our country take care of those things? Not to mention the fact that the Wounded Warrior project recently underwent changes in leadership, because those at the top were mishandling money. Yes, we live in a country were people are so ate up by greed, that they will misappropriate money donated for disabled veterans.

Lets take it one step further, can we really claim to support our troops, when we keep electing leaders that send them into wars based on lies, and profit? I mean, maybe if you voted for George W. Bush, you should write a heartfelt apology to all the troops that have served in Afghanistan, and Iraq. Hell, Barack Obama is no better. He promised to end those wars, yet I keep hearing the news that more of our service members are getting killed.

Ok. Fuck it. Let's go all of the way. If you vote for Hillary, or Donald Trump, you're not allowed to talk about how much you support our servicemen and women. Your words are hollow, because you keep electing the same fucking people, that make more dead, and wounded veterans.

All I'm really asking, is take a look at what's going on around us. Before you post that meme on Facebook about supporting our troops, think about who you voted for, and how they've treated our veterans. Think about who you plan to vote for in November, and ask yourself if that candidate really cares about our military men and women.

The Car Crash Blues

Let me tell you a story, just a little story, a scary little story, a nightmare of a story. I call it the car crash blues.

Let's say there's this guy named Dan. Dan has a good union job, but he's made his share of poor decisions. Or as Dan's friend Matt says, "well thought out bad decisions." Dan pays a lot of child support. I mean A LOT of child support. On top of that, he's made some bad choices in the financial arena, some of them dating to several years ago. Some of those decisions were made out of desperation. But no matter now. Dan has a good union job, and he almost never takes a day off, and he almost always works all of the available overtime. Nevertheless, Dan takes a second job, a part time job, in attempts to accelerate the repair of his financial state.

A little over three years ago, Dan buys a used car. But because Dan's credit is bad, like horribly bad, like Rent a Center needs 5 verifiable references bad, Dan's car loan comes with a hefty interest rate, and a GPS locater that disables the ignition if Dan doesn't make his car payment. But Dan has this good union job, and he works a lot of overtime, and he's never, not even once, late on his car payment.

Then one day, let's say last Wednesday, Dan gets in an accident. A guy backs out of his driveway without looking, and Dan swerves, but can't avoid hitting him, and he smacks the rear bumper of the guy's car. The air bag in Dan's car doesn't even deploy, but the right front fender is banged up pretty good, and there's some fluids leaking. The guy that backed out of the driveway without looking gets a traffic citation, and he makes an insurance report with his car insurance company, and that company approves the insurance claim, and Dan gets a rental car.

So, the guy's insurance company, let's call them Progressive, just a little ole insurance company with an annual revenue stream of 17 billion fucking dollars, has Dan's car towed to their local inspection center, and they call Dan and inform him that his car is a total loss.

So Dan calls the lender that he has a loan with, and let's just for the sake of the story say that Dan still owes $5000 on said loan. No biggie, right? I mean an insurance company with an annual revenue stream of 17 billion fucking dollars will take care of Dan, right? I mean, this all happened due to no fault of Dan's. Dan was just driving down the fucking road one day, when bam! There was a car in front of him.

So Progressive offers Dan $4000 for his car. Dan does his homework, and learns that this offer is negotiable, and Dan is a fierce negotiator when necessary. So five phone calls later, three emails, and a reasonable amount of swearing that the progressive insurance adjuster says he doesn't appreciate, Dan and Progressive settle for having his loan paid off. Win for the little guy right?

Dan gets pre-approved for a loan by Chrysler Capital, a subsidiary of the auto manufacturer that employs Dan. Dan's credit is a lot better than it was 3 years ago, but its still pretty dinged up, and considered poor. Still yet, Dan takes his pre-approval to a local Chrysler dealership, and he's looking to buy a two year old Chrysler that will keep the car payment within Dan's budget. Dan really wants a brand new Cherokee, because that's what he builds, and he likes them a lot, but a car payment on a brand new Cherokee is out of Dan's budget, and Dan is learning, after many, many mistakes, to be more responsible.

So Dan gets a new 5 year loan. Everybody is happy right?

Progressive settles for 5k, and raises the rates of the guy that was cited for not looking both ways when he backed from his driveway. They'll probably have 18 billion fucking dollars in revenue this  year.

Dan's old lender gets their loan paid off 15 months early. They're happy.

Dan's new lender, a subsidiary of his employer, gets a new loan with a moderate interest rate.

A local Chrysler dealer sells a used car.

Chrysler benefits because used car sales help current new car sales.

Dan's insurance company benefits because Dan decides to add on a special insurance called "gap insurance," just in case something happens and Dan's car isn't worth as much as he owes.

You know who doesn't come out ahead in this story? The guy who's working two jobs in an effort to get ahead. He spent $12,000 over the last 3 years, for a car that he'll never own now, and he now has a new loan worth an initial $14,000, but probably closer to $20,000 if he somehow manages to pay it off before the car gets crashed, or falls apart. In 5 years, he'll probably need a newer car again, and the cycle repeats itself.

Banks. Insurance companies. Car dealers. The city that issued a traffic citation. An auto manufacturer. They all conspire to suck a little more life out of the working man. And they get to keep doing it because they own our fucking politicians, and the American people are too dense to realize they're being sucked dry by 17 billion fucking dollar insurance companies.

Dan thanks you for doing your part, by sticking your head in the sand, and hoping it doesn't happen to you.

The Car Crash Blues, motherfucker, The Car Crash Blues.

What Would Jesus Do?

Everyone that knows me at all, knows that I'm a crazy socialist Atheist. What a lot of people don't know, is that religion fascinates me. You might not guess that I've read, and studied the Bible quite thoroughly. I used to joke that I was looking for a loophole, but really, I just wanted to know what makes Christians tick.

Mississippi, and North Carolina recently passed laws that make it legal to discriminate against gay and transgendered people. Georgia's governor vetoed a similar law, and Indiana narrowly averted passing a "religious freedom" bill. Michigan and Arizona have had similar bills brought up on their legislative floors too.

All of these states are making it legal to discriminate against the gays, if being gay goes against your "strongly held religious beliefs."

So Christians claim to follow the teachings of this dude named Jesus Christ. The word Christian literally means, "one who believes in the teachings of Christ." And this is where I start to wonder, "what would Jesus do?"

I remember back in the mid-90s there was that whole WWJD craze. People wore the bracelets. Religious rock bands professed to be Jesus freaks. Being a Christian was the cool thing to do. And that's cool. Really. I could give two shits about your "strongly held religious beliefs." That is, until those beliefs begin to affect others. When those beliefs are intolerant, discriminatory, and homophobic, I start to care a little, you know? Especially when Jesus' people start to think it's a good idea to make laws that reflect religious values. I get really cranky about that shit.

What the fuck would Jesus do? What would he do if a gay couple walked into his café? You think he would refuse to serve them a cup of coffee? What if a transgendered woman walked into the women's restroom in his department store? You think he would have her thrown out?

In all of the Bible, not one scripture tells of Jesus speaking about homosexuality. (Although he did mention those "born eunuchs," which many scholars think means "those born gay.") Homosexuality was around in his time. In fact, it's easier to prove that there were homosexuals 2000 years ago, than it is to prove that Jesus existed. You would think, that if being gay was such an immoral issue, that the most profound teacher of your religion, the one man that all of your teachings are based on, would have directly addressed it. But he didn't.

You know what Jesus did address? Overly pious, and loud-mouthed religious people. You know what else he addressed? People turning temples into money making places. He chased those fuckers out with a whip. (You listening Joel Osteen?) Jesus hung around with thieves, whores, lepers, and those that were poor and helpless.

So what part of Jesus' teachings, are you using to discriminate against anyone? I'll go one step further, if you support these laws, you're not a Christian. You're a homophobic asshole.

And while we're on the topic, I'll tell you what we need to do to stave off the attacks by the spineless-right wing- extremists. People that call themselves Christians, and know that these laws are bullshit, we need you to stand up and speak out.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing." Edmund Burke (although there is a bit of indecision about who originally said this.)

Someday, when I win the fucking lottery, I'm going to open a coffee house near the courthouse in Jackson, MS. I'm going to paint the fucker in rainbow colors, hire two of the most flamboyant drag queens I can find to be the hostesses, and hire Village People impersonators to perform the YMCA on the front sidewalk every 30 minutes, because fuck you and your discriminatory, hating bullshit Mississipians. Go suck a dick.